Road rage without a car

If I ever wanted to dedicate a blog to the mysteries of driving in Boston, "Road Rage Without a Car" would be the title of it. However, this blog posting is dedicated to those people who drive us up a wall. You know, the people, for no good reason, seem to get under our skin and bring us to teenage levels of gossip and loathing.

Sex and the City coined the term "frenemy." This is supposed to be a friend but is based upon being enemies. This term has me think of Newman from "Seinfeld" or the relationship between Karen and Grace (well Karen and anyone really) on "Will & Grace." There are sweet and tender moments but they are also met with moments of sheer anger, frustration and cutting sarcasm. Sad, but this is a grown-up version of what I saw in middle school. Somehow, we take what was acceptable back then and dress it up for the after party.

Today I was reminded about the pain of others. Sometimes I'm so busy finding the way out of my own hurt and anger that's hard to see it parallels someone else's. We're walking side by side and yet fighting each other instead of helping. My own hurt and anger came rushing out in a desperate attempt to name the pain. In the process, I realized we're not so far from each other as we would have ourselves believe.

What I also discovered in this process is that it is up to me to get through the pain and find a way to love. It is not up to anyone else to do it for me. It's in this moment I need to seek out Jesus to come a little closer to me. I need to seek out respite from a storm of emotions and thoughts. Jesus is just waiting for me to ask for directions... my own GPS on this crazy road trip. Life isn't supposed to be filled with rage. I'm not supposed to speed up to hit the massive potholes. I'm also not supposed to speed up for the bumps. It worked on the Dukes of Hazzard, but not for me.

People are like speed bumps... stay with me here on this. We are supposed to approach with caution. If we go too fast, irreparable damage can be done to both. If we avoid them all together, we miss out on slowing down and catching some of the more interesting aspects of life. (You can't tell me that what you see in front of a grocery or department store isn't interesting on a Saturday afternoon!) Each one us us has felt like part of a journey but also a little run over. The balance is getting to where I need to go without running over people along the way. Slowing down helps that.

I don't have a solution... I'm not even sure I articulated a problem. I just know I needed to think this out in my own haphazard way to prevent driving too fast over a speed bump and find out I lost my muffler in the process.

This is a day of new beginnings

For many of us at BU, today is the first day of classes. For me, it's the first of lasts. I'm trying not to be too sentimental about it. It's the last time (until next semester) I will experience the thrill and nerves of having a first day of class.

What makes this day even more special is that it marks the bridge of where I am and where I want to be. In this year, I will experience more in my field ed. than I can ever imagine. Everything I have learned at this point will be used in some fashion or another. I got from being student to being student chaplain - in a way that is different from CPE. Yes, I feel like I am becoming who I've always wanted to be but never had the courage to become.

I'd like to say a prayer for all those who are experiencing new beginnings. Whether it's starting a new class, speaking English for 24 hours straight, living in a new country or a new culture. I hope the excitement of possibilities overshadows the nerves and doubt. With a deep breath, allow the Pneuma to fill us and restore us. May every lesson taught, and learned, bring us closer to each other and to the most holy one as well.

Customer service 101: Consumer edition

Since I have been exploring heavy topics for a while, I thought I'd try something light-hearted.
I think it's time customers had a crash course in how to be a good customer. I have been working retail this past summer, and here are a few helpful hits for American consumers. These are meant to be light-hearted, but they do ring with some truth. They are also in no particular order.

1) Please hang up your phone. You would be infuriated if I tried to help you while taking to my friend on the phone. Why is it okay when you do it? I really only need 2 minutes of your undivided attention. If you cannot give that to me, you might need to take a break.

Exception: If you are calling someone to help make a decision about the purchase, that's okay. I'd prefer you get the right thing and not have to make a return.

2) Responses to greetings. Sometimes I say "hello" to a customer and I get back "Just looking." Ummm... I didn't ask a question. Just say hello back. I realize you may not want someone breathing over you as you look around, but my boss also requires that I make some sort of contact with every person who enters the store.

3) Commentary. I know we are in a recession... that's why I'm working retail. If you think something's too expensive, there is no need to call it "a rip-off." I did not set the price, and your comments will not put me in a position of changing them. If you can buy it cheaper at home, please do. The economic climates (as well as cost of living) of each region are vastly different. I cannot help that - I'm a victim of it as much as you.

4) Discounts. Yes, sometimes we forget about discounts, and it doesn't hurt to ask. When I've said there are no discounts 3 times, I'd like you to believe me. I am not trying to get more money out of you. I have to account for it in the register, and there is no way for me to get a hold of it from a credit card transaction. I am not trying to rip you off.

5) Asking for help. This goes back to #2. In saying a greeting, I am hoping to open a pathway where you know I am available to answer your questions. When you say you don't need help, or just looking, I will leave you alone. However, please do not ask my boss for help 60 seconds later. I will hear about this because he will think I'm not helping customers. If you have a question, please seek me out. If I cannot help you, I will find someone who can.

6) Leaving messages at the store. Whether it's business or personal, if you need to leave a message, please answer all of my questions. When you say, "He'll know what it's about," you don't realize he really might not. I have been asked to get the answers to these questions. If you can give me a little information it's very helpful. If it's a personal matter, I'll respect it. If you're with a business, it seems fishy when you won't tell me the name of your company or phone number. Think about it.

7) Impulse purchases. I know there are things at the counter to entice you to spend just a little more. I also know you just might take one. However, there is a point in the transaction where I cannot add something on. I'm really sorry about this. Please do not get upset about it. We can do another transaction.

8) checking out in a crowd. Sometimes stores get busy. We are doing the best we can with what we have. Please do not tap your fingers on the counter or yell at me with "I've been waiting for half an hour." I know you have not because half an hour ago I couldn't find anything to do. There are many other people who are just as busy as you, and we are trying to help everyone in a timely manner. If you wave money at me, it makes me feel cheap; please don't do it. If you put money down on the counter and then walk out with merchandise, it is legally shoplifting. Give us 5-10 minutes. We will get to everyone.

I hope this helps. I have seen every one of these things this past summer. I may have a library/archive edition coming up soon. In the mean time, share this with a friend. We all want good service, and these few steps will help you get it.

growing up vs. grown up

I don't really give much thought to the differences between these terms... until today. The first (growing up) is active. There is change currently happening. The second (grown up) is passive. The action is in the past and has reached completion. One is where I am; the other is probably where I should be.

I have reached an age and a level of professional education where the second term really should apply. I'm over 30 now, and I nearly have a masters in divinity. I am nearing the time when I will ask to be ordained and be allowed to speak on behalf of the church with an authoritative voice. Still, I don't feel like the work is complete in me. I feel there is still active change within me, and I am "growing up" still.

So how do I find the balance between where I am and where I am expected to be? I still don't have the answer. I really wish I did have the answer, but the only thing I get is I have to learn to live with my shortcomings.

I think everyone wants to be a protege or phenomenon, but very few people actually get to be that. It's kind of like being a supermodel - many people strive for it; few achieve it. Yet, why do we strive to be what we are not instead of being who we are? Fame? The possibility of fortune? A desire to live eternal as a mark on society for the better? I just don't know.

I find it odd that we never see Jesus grow up in the Bible. It's one place where we are left to imagine without instruction. How did Jesus deal with the weight of his mission as a teenager? Did he struggle to know what his mission was? What were his first words? Did he have acne? How did he react to his parents' discipline? Did he ever deal with disappointment, and if so, how? I miss seeing how he struggled with it. For all the warts and "uglies" the bible shows in Saul, David and even Peter, it doesn't let us see if Jesus had to deal with this part of the struggle of human nature. I miss having a plan, or model, put in front of me for when times get tough as I attempt to be a grown up. I just have a gap of about 20 years to figure out, and let's face it - Jesus is a tough nut to crack. Even the best theologians don't agree on him.

As I near my 32nd birthday (the Jesus year, as some of us call it), I realize how painfully short of his example I fall. I'm glad that I am still growing and that God is still at work within me. I just live in a world where growing has expected benchmarks, and falling short of them can fill one with shame. How do I balance my joy with my sorrow? Can I find peace in the midst of the gap? Right now, all I can hope, is that I remember this the next time I think someone falls short of where he or she "should be."

This is my body, broken for you

I can't tell you how many times I've heard these words used in a service of the Eucharist. I also can't tell you the number of times I've heard debate about the violence these invoke as well. I had an experience today that had me think about this in a new way.I went to an anatomy lecture today. The discussion centered around the issue of anatomical gifts - cadavers.

The most powerful portion, for me, was in the video interview of a woman who is dedicating her body to science. She has decided to allow students to open her, after her death, to study how her body works.She touched on her faith structure - the soul leaves at death, and all that remains is an empty vessel. It felt 2 Corinthians to me. She also talked about how she felt about death. She seemed so normal that she made the process of donation seem like a natural thing to do.What really struck me was when she talked about what she hoped for the students who would receive her body. She hoped that they would learn something about the human body that would help them in medicine. It was a gift that was meant to be passed on.

She knew, as we all do, that death will find us all. It was not a matter of "if" she will die but "when" she dies. What she has to say and teach goes on long after the wind ceases to move across her lips to speak in a language she was taught. She's not predicting a violent death. She's not predicting a painful death. She's accepting death as a passage and leaving behind something to be learned from.

Perhaps this is a message of Good News in the communion. It's more important to know that Jesus accepted that becoming human meant dying. He knew he would leave behind something that could be studied and contemplated, and that work would carry us through our journey - even when the wind ceased to blow over his moving lips. The breaking of the body is opening it up to show how love works. He handed over his body knowing that something could be learned from it... like the woman in the video. She cannot tell the students all she has to say unless they are willing to break the skin and look inside. When we break bread, we share it in a way that cannot be experienced if only one holds it - it must be broken to share... to see inside. It is selfless love that pays forward instead of asking to pay back.

I look forward to the memorial service for all of those who have donated their bodies for the cause of science. They may teach the med students many things they never thought they learned, but they taught a seminarian something about the Eucharist that will forever change the way I view it.

Ladies & gentlemen - God has left the building

That's right; God has left the building and gone into the world. I had an amazing experience with meeting God today. Bear with me as I try to explain it...

I really don't like my job, but I try to make do. There are days I meet people who are really cranky and want me to have completed their shopping before they even arrive. These are the people who cause me to chant, "God loves them, so I should try liking them." The most pastoral thing to think? No. Allows me to be patient with them? Yes.

Today was really different though. In the first hour, I overheard a woman talking to her daughter about a book. I inquired about it, and ended up having a talk about Adam and Eve and a book called "Brida" by Paulo Coelho. We proceeded to talk about the unity of male and female in the book of Genesis.

If this wasn't odd enough, the guy behind her in line asked me if he correctly that I study theology. This being Boston, a home for personalism, I tried to back out of a specific answer. I explained that I'm studying the intersection of faith and action. He apologized for asking and then went on to talk about how fascinated he is about religion. We talked about his Catholic upbringing and how he's so frustrated with the anger and violence in this world. I wish I could remember all we talked about, but I remember thinking, "this is what it's like to live out the Great Commission."

I have a general policy not to give money to people on the street near work. Mostly, my reason lies in that I see a number of people, who ask for money, come into the store to buy cigarettes. I don't feel I can contribute to something that slowly kills them - first, do no harm. However, I will ask if I can pick up a slice of pizza or a sandwich when I go to get my lunch. Today, the guy said he'd like a slice of pizza. God met me in the pizza parlor. I asked for two slices of cheese and if there was a discount for working in the square. (some places give them - some don't. It doesn't hurt to ask.) The chef decided that, if I promised to share with people at work, he'd give me a large pie for the price of a slice... and I also had to keep the transaction to myself. I agreed to the terms, and I was able to feed 4 people for the cost of a slice. The feeding of the 5000 came to mind.

As I was heading to the bus, and thinking about what I would do for dinner, a woman asked me for money. She wanted to buy some food for dinner. Keeping to my policy, I asked her where she would like to go to dinner. I've had people refuse my offer before, stating they'd rather have the money, and I thought she would do the same. I was surprised, and she was too, that we ended up having dinner together. We went 2 blocks to a burger joint where I had the steak and cheese (I am a Wisconsin girl!), and she had the fish and chips (being a good Boston gal). She talked to me about being on the streets, depression and fear. She said she had been going to church every day asking God for a little help. Then she asked me what I did. She thought I was a nurse - I simply said, "I'm a pastor." It felt so natural to say it. She started to cry and took my hand, and she offered a prayer to God. "God, thank you. I asked for help, and you sent me a pastor." I told her it was really me who felt honored. I didn't want to go back to my place and eat another meal alone, and I was so grateful to have had a meal with her.

It was in talking with her that I realized frustrations are anger at unfulfilled hopes. She wishes for a safe place to sleep while I grumble about the bed being too hard. She wonders how she'll find food while I grumble about ramen noodles for lunch. She wonders if she'll get the care she needs while I complain about the cost of health care. It seems so small when she talks to me. She helped me put it into perspective. I have people who love me and care about me. I have a roof over my head and food to eat every day. I have clothes to wear and don't have to worry about every passing glance. God bless Betty.

So yes, God has left the building and entered the world. I just need to unplug the iPod, look up from my feet, and answer a call from the margins. Perhaps, this is rethinking Church.

Hatred.Is.Purity

I've been thinking about this statement since I first saw it tattooed on a man's neck. My first thought was "Why would anyone put a needle so close to a major artery without a medical team nearby?" Then I tried to think of all the reasons why someone would want to portray that statement to the world everyday... for the rest of his life. I promptly went on thinking about all the reasons he was wrong.

What happened, for me, was a journey into my past. My sarcasm didn't always have a funny overtone to it. It used to be for inflicting the pain I felt inside to the outside of another. I took risks that it would harm them internally. Just like this man taking risks with his arteries, I took risks that permanent damage would occur and possibly even death - physical or emotional. He wears his pain, as a tattoo, as a badge of honor. Me? I try to wipe the slate clean, but like a dry erase board that didn't quite pass inspection, sometimes it doesn't completely go away - it only fades.

I expected to write down all the reasons this man was wrong about hatred being purity. I thought it would only be the loving thing to do. As future clergy, I am supposed to propagate the love of Christ and make it visible to the world. Yet, I find myself agreeing with this man. Hated seems to be the only emotion we authentically show. We hide pain lest people find our weaknesses. We hide our strengths lest we seem vain. We hide our love to protect our hearts. We deny our passions to act in accordance with what an adult should do. I'm not saying these are right or wrong, although I do have opinions on them. What I am saying is that we have allowed anger and hatred to be authentic emotions which are okay to display publicly. Maybe there is authenticity there. Now it is time to reclaim the authenticity in kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, love, compassion and self-control. It is time to reclaim the fruits of the Spirit. Hatred may be purity, but the living waters of God can wash it away and make it new.