Can you keep a secret?

I thought the hardest thing about going into ministry was going to be keeping secrets. Sometimes it would be information to the congregation and sometimes about the congregation. I expected that people would just tell me things and I would have to learn to swallow it or just let it roll off my shoulders like water on teflon. I have since learned I was wrong. The thing about other people's secrets is that they were never mine to begin with. I never had to wrestle with the decisions surrounding them. I can lighten the burden for a while, but I will never completely take it.

What I have discovered about ministry is this, the hardest thing about it is knowing people feel they have to keep secrets from you. I took it for granted that people would tell me things. They don't have to do it. In the past week, many people I know have shared very personal things with me. I won't betray their trust by listing them here, but they were carrying heavy burdens along with the burden of guilt or shame. It wasn't that these people didn't really trust me - they didn't want to be vulnerable and be hurt in the most sensitive spot. And yet, I hurt. I hurt because they felt they had to go it alone. I feel bad that situations had to come to a point where they could no longer hide the truth and then told me. It's not that I feel betrayed - that's not it at all. I just wish they didn't feel they had to carry the burden alone.

I'm not one to hide much in my life. For better or worse, I lay it all out there for people to see. Some come to me because they know I will understand. Some seize the opportunity to strike me at the heart of what hurts. Some will look at it all and simply walk away. I have a greater appreciation for those who practice a more cautious approach to sharing their lives. It's not a matter of courage. I am no more courageous than anyone else. What I have learned is that by holding back there is a deeper sense of intimacy. When only a few, as opposed to many, know a core part of you, they sense how deep a connection is there.

To my many friends - the ones I know, and the ones I have yet to meet - thank you for all that you share with me. If I have not helped ease your burden, I am ready to help when you are ready. I only hope that you don't feel you have to carry it alone.