Sacred Rest

I am taking a class on the Jewish practice of Sabbath this semester. One of the greatest lessons I am learning is that resting is a sacred event. When done with intention, it's about resting in the arms of God and trusting that everything will be okay.

One of the first things to get over is treating this time as an excuse to be lazy. Nothing that functions as an excuse is sacred... at least I have not seen it yet. Even naps are sacred when they allow the body to rest so the soul can catch up.

It is extremely counter-cultural to say no to work. We are told over and over again that the more productive we are the more valuable we become. Is this really true? Americans work longer hours and weeks during the year, but are we more productive that other countries? My brother lives in an EU country, and he gets 30 days of vacation every year, and that is standard the first year with a company. That country is not suffering from a lack of production or work. So why do we buy into the need to work ourselves nearly to death?

This is where Sabbath can be a life preserver. It almost shouts out, "Stop the world! I want to get off here!" I haven't progressed to having a full 24 hours of rest yet, but I take an hour every day to do nothing. I'll read if it want, but not for class. I'll cook if I want, but nothing too fancy. Sometimes I watch a movie or TV show. The important thing for me is that I allow myself to relax and the freedom for my soul to delight in whatever it feels moved to do. When I'm done - I go back to all the things I need to do with a refreshed energy. Sometimes I discover that I don't really need to do that work, and sometimes I discover my body needed more rest than I had allowed.

That said... I'm off to a nap and then a wonderful day of homework! I hope you find your sacred rest.

Be still and know that I am God - Psalm 46:10

So Close

I love the Disney Movie "Enchanted." The original song "So Close" is my favorite, and I've been listening to it quite a bit tonight. Some of it is because it's Valentine's weekend. All the happy people will be parading through the streets in a parade of love in which I am welcome only as a spectator. However, I'm hoping my leaving the city will help this... praying actually.

The other reason the song is resonating with me right now is because of an internal struggle with which I have been dealing. I felt like I came so close to something real - I was so sure of it - only to have doubt placed in me again. I could make this into a theological treatise about how humankind will fail us, but God keeps God's promise to never abandon it... but I won't. Tonight, I want to be a girl with a broken heart because of an opportunity lost.

I didn't understand the adage about keeping your eyes open for love in the strangest places. How could you not know? How could it be anything than love at first sight. Then "he" walked into my life. I couldn't stand him. I didn't want to share the same air as him. However, a mutual project made us work together.

Through this exchange, I got to know him better. I realized that all the things for which I had asked God in another person he possessed. The friendship deepened, but I felt more. I couldn't tell the other side's position though. Like a middle school girl, I nearly obsessed about it. I would have roller coaster emotions trying to interpret actions or comments. At 30, I still resorted to this - and to sharing the details with a few close friends.

Now, I'm so confused. Ministry changes how one approaches dating and relationships. It's much harder to start and develop them because of the professional boundaries instilled. The perceived rejection is hard enough to take - how is it I'm not good enough... or enough in general? But, the wondering how I could have been so wrong eats away at me too. Could this happen to me again? Could I unknowingly do this to someone else and have a professional issue?

Hearing and following a call from God is tough work, and there have been sacrifices along the way. This one has been the hardest of all to take. I struggle to make sense of it theologically. It's a struggle (in some ways) all of us have, and yet I still look to see where God speaks to this in the Bible. I don't have the answer now - but I hope some day I will know where this leads... or at least find a scripture that provides me comfort on this uncomfortable quest.

The oracles of Jesus

I recently discovered that I wasn't moving forward with a decision because I was "waiting for a sign from God" to tell me which direction was the correct one. Now what struck me about this is this topic recently made me giggle while reading a book on Graeco-Roman cultic practices.

The would try to read the entrails of sacrificed animals for signs from the gods. People went into caves to receive visions, or they went to a professional person to have their dreams interpreted. They wanted to know, "What direction do I take that's most pleasing to the gods?"

Now to be fair, the Bible has plenty of stories like this. The Hebrew Bible (Old Testament) is littered with oracles from the prophets. And dream interpretations? We have that too with the story of Joseph in Egypt.

So, I made fun of it in one "religion" but it's still a part of the history of my own tradition. How do I reconcile this? I answered it for myself by turning to the means of grace - specifically prayer. When I enter into prayer, I am entering into a dialogue with God. Sometimes I do the talking - sometimes I need to be listening. To be sure, I am watching for the signs that God is talking to me, but I'm not looking for God's favor. The instituted means of grace of Eucharist provides comfort for my mind and soul that I am favored by God... and not just me but all of us. God wants all of us to draw closer... those who are "favored" aren't more special, they just respond to the shepherd's call.

So I keep looking for oracles, and I keep trying to figure out my dreams... but it's to walk with Christ and not to win favor.